Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
