Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
