I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
