Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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