So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
