she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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