I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
