i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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