how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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