drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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