A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
