remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
