What did we do last night that was yellow?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
