All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
