Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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