I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
