Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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