just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
