also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
