Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
