planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
