textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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