hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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