he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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