Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
