You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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