like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
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I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
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So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex