just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
seriously i just wanna be friends
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
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When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review