...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
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$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
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Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son