a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?