Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
