too bad you live with your parents still
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
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Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
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and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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