how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
