he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
