ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
