dude i'm inner monologue high
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
