I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
