google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
