Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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