I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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