I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
