Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
