Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
