Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
