My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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