so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
