I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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