Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
