I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
