theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
