Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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