did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
