Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
