do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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