Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
