I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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