your thong is hanging out like whoa
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
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Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
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An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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