You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
