On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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