Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
