Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize