this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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