Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
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All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
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I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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