i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
