I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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