I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
