I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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