you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a sexual gate keeper
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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