U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
