after a month anything with tits is on the radar
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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