I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
