i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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