remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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