dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
