And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
